SUPER TODDLER! The Radioactive Spider Bite Theory

I think my child was bit by a radioactive kryptonian spider that was carrying the mutant gen. The result?

SUPER TODDLER!!

Complete with pink monkey cape

and kittie side kick

Ok I might be exaggerating but maybe other first time parents understand what I am talking about. My toddler has super powers!!!!To best support my theory, I will elaborate on what I have noticed.

Super Flexibility and body contortion.
This has been going on since birth. Imagine a magician doing the scarf trick. The one where they take the scarf out of their mouth and its much longer than you realize. Yea.. thats what giving birth to my daughter was like. An 8lb 8oz scarf to be exact. My vagina has been a circus joke ever since. BAHA sry but i had to go there. Nothing like some inappropriate self deprecating mother humor ;) But seriously, my little girl must've used some intense yoga positions while in the womb.The ability has developed more and more as shes grown. Give her a little sugar or try and change a diaper. Backflips and summersalts.

Liquid bones.
She can somehow command her bones to change their state of matter. I call this the"no bones method". Whats strange is that it mostly occurs in public. There are trigger word like "No no no we aren't taking that home" or "Its time to leave". By some mystical force, every bone in her body instantly liquifies. I am left to drag my limp and crying child thru the store.Forget a shopping cart. I need a wheel barrel.

The Ability to grow extra limbs.
For the long explanation, see Coaxing a cat into a bubble bath. Short version,? Octopus arms when she doesn't want to be put down.

Hulk like strength.
Just TRY and take her favorite toy or pull the dogs tail out of her hand. She strong arms me on a daily basis. I go up against an MMA fighter every time I brush her teeth, comb hair, change the diaper...etc. Did you know that babies and toddlers actually have incredible grip strength? Lets face it, taking candy from a baby is actually extremely difficult. Candy, your hair, that foreign object that they found on the ground that is NOT edible. It doesn't matter what it is. They've got it and they aren't letting go. How are those sticky little fingers so darn strong?!?!

Mind Reading.
How'd she know that I was thinking how nice it was that she didn't catch the cold that's been going around. The moment the thought crossed my mind, instant fever and runny nose. Was she listening in when I thought "oo good shes playing nicely. Maybe I can sneak in a shower"?.

Ok look, I know this is completely crazy. In reality, my daughter is actually a WIZARD!!! just kidding. My little girl is just being a child. They are like this and it gets worse as they get older. For now I just try to find the humor in the difficulties. There's a plus side though. Believe it or not, us parents get our own super powers. Maybe I'll write about that too. But not at this moment. For now I think I'll go. I've got a little superhero to chase after. Maybe I'll get my own cape and join her. Oh and I've just discovered another ability. Invisibility. Where the heck did she go?? ;)