The toddler tornado has hit

There has been a moment that I have dreaded ever since I gave birth to my little one. Having babysat in the past, I was familiar with the terror about to befall my family. It was inevitable. I guess I was hoping she'd skip this stage. Thats what we call delusion.
Confused? Just picture my husband and I sitting on the floor happily playing with our cute little girl. laughing as we help her try and stack her cups. saying "your such a cutie" when she gets frustrated and makes an adorable little pout face. My happy smiley little baby........ Then a storm rolled in.

A funnel cloud formed right over our house and spawned a tornado in the shape of my little girl!! The violent tempest struck hard and struck without warning. No ominous wind chimes on the back porch like in the movie, "Twister". No weatherman interrupting the tv show to say "this just in, a toddler tornado has just touched down. Grab snacks, a spippy cup and hunker down, this is gonna go on for a long time!!". I knew it was coming but didn't know when and just how destructive.... and now it was here. Its happened. It is upon us. My baby girl is a toddler. and Even worse, shes passed the 18 month mark.

This age is significant because, from what I've been told, 18 months is when most kids start the notorious "terrible two"stage. Its another cruel parenting joke! Its like when women are told that their pregnancy will last 9 months when you are actually pregnant for 10. I'm tellin ya, Math is a cruel filthy Asshole!!

I have watched, in horror, as my little girls cute pout face turned into a snarl and a full on tantrum. She hits and hits HARD! there's no more guess work. I know, without a doubt, that she meant to slap me in the face.

For now, my tactic is to cower behind the couch with my survival kit. Occasionally I throw food and water to the beast. All the while thinking "What happened to my baby?" This seems to be working for the moment.. I'll report more on this at another time but before I end the post I'd like to disclose the contents of my "kit" in case other parents want to make one.

Toddler Tornado Survival Kit
1. their favorite snack. ex.-Cheerios, raisins, innocent souls, your hopes and dreams.
2. A Bible. r u thinking "whaaaat??" trust me, you'll need something to exorcise the demon
3. The pets. If you dont take them to safety you WILL hear yelping.
4. a picture of the childs other parent to yell at, because, naturally, its all THEIR fault. right?
lastly 5. a bottle of vodka. need I say more?

What You Missed

Hi again. I thought it would be a good idea to recap the highlights of my tigerLilys first year. (i'll explain that new nickname at some point)
So yea, she was born!! exciting! and obvious, sorry. Thru a complicated hell of a ride.
The long version: My Labor & Delivery. The Tale of the accidental drug free birth
After the nightmare, I gave a moment of silence for my vagina lol. just playing. But seriously, that thing needs an award. Back to what I was saying, We came home and snuggled and snuggled and snuggled the new little bundle! she was mostly bald, wrinkly like a prune and cried a lot. But she was MINE! oh and my husbands I guess, hehe.
I went thru the normal post partum stuff. Yucky TMI things and hair loss. Breastfeeding was a BITCH! first it was a shallow latch. "oh my GAWD!!!! OUCH! Why is a small rabid animal trying to naw off my tit? (yes, sometimes my language is slightly colorful.)
Then trouble latching at all. My husband, of all people, was the one to figure that out. That's not too surprising. Men know breasts pretty well don't they?
After I mastered the latch, I began to watch my milk supply slowly evaporate before my eyes. Seriously, I couldn't even fill a bottle. Once, I filled a bottle then knocked it over. I cried like a baby as my "liquid gold" spilled all over the floor. Whoever said that there is no use crying over spilled milk, was NOT a breastfeeding mother. Fought that fight for the entire first year but we persevered!! Just an aside note, formula moms, I love you too :) to each their own! Everybody should just do whatever is best for their child. Unless your instincts tell you to feed them wasps and liquid hand soap. Then, my dear, something wrooong wit you ;)
Aside from trying to nourish the beautiful beast, she developed a terrible facial rash. Not just any rash but a War of the Worlds tripod of destruction. I say tripod because, to quote her pediatrician, it was one part baby acne, one part eczema and one part cradle cap. I felt freaking Horrible for her. Leave it to me to have a beautiful baby then have her face fall off!!!! FYI, it didn't fall off. Turns out, shes just a rashy little girl. Oh and some of it was my own overreaction. Huh. who would've thought a new 1st time mom could overreact/
After the rash expedition, regular baby awesomeness ensued. I'm talkin first smile, sitting up, introducing baby food, pulling up, standing and first steps. This is obvious stuff but I am bringing it up because autism runs in my family. Developmental delays are always in the back of my head. Not that it would change the amount of love I have for my child.
Ok I think this is a good stopping point.There are details that are forgotten but I can always make another post later and include them there. Below are pictures of my favorite moments. I hope they bring enjoyment.

Hey. whats up!!
not much. just been chillin in your uterus.
(Meeting for the first time)

 First bath. Why must u torture me!

 First smile. Mommy, u so weird

 Rice Cereal experiment...not so much a success

 First trip to the beach. had no clue where we were lol

Pulling up. Time to move that mattress down

 

Halloween 

Christmas

First park trip. Major success

Alice in Onderland bday party

 

...She was the queen of hearts ;)