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| Flying with the Airplane Gremlin |
Ok. lets dive right in.
Around the beginning of September I went on a little trip to see my sister and newborn niece. The objective was to help out and provide support because ya know, newborns be newborns. So being that we live very far apart, this trip entailed air travel. GASP!!! My husband and I have flown a million times. Piece of cake!! But then I remembered the 19month old 30lb carry on that I acquired.
I went into research mode, because thats what I do. Countless blogs (like this one) about tips on traveling, articles about the latest TSA regulations regarding small children, asking forums, fb groups friends and family. All were helpful! but, like always, I over did it. Only so much info can travel around my brain until the roads congest and theres a traffic pile up. I had to settle on winging it, to some degree.
Traveling with a child under the age of 2 means you are given several options for seating. Guess which one I chose?? If you guessed I'd go the simple route (put her on my lap) then you'd be wrong. This petite momma chose to lug that giant ass car seat all the way onto the cabin. Why? haha! because I have freakin wasps in my brain and they infect my mind with stupid ideas!! Jk! That sounds like a much more serious problem.
My actual reasons? my daughter stopped being "lap sized" loooong ago. shes a big girl! I bought her a ticket because I didn't want to risk being crammed nxt to someone. Thank God I did! because both flights were packed to capacity. I brought that Graco beast into the cabin because I just couldn't relax with her sitting next to me with no harness other than a seat belt. Would you feel comfortable with an uncaged panther running loose? Just kiddin.... but seriously, she bites! No disrespect for anyone who opted a different approach. The main thing you want to accomplish is how to travel where you feel the most comfortable and safe. But lets face it. "Comfortable","traveling" and "toddler" don't exist simultaneously. Oh I also considered a dog kennel but people say that its inhumane.
Executing my choice was a challenge. The steward/stewardess were none too helpful. I ran into 1 or 2 helpful fellow passengers but airline politeness/rudeness is a whole other rant in itself. I wont dwell.
First flight was a dream come true! We booked it for early morning and my daughter fell right to sleep on the plane! When she was awake she was relaxed and unafraid. No complaints. At some point during this flight I must've jinxed myself because the return flight was the complete opposite. It was a wake up in the middle of the night drenched in cold sweat NIGHTMARE!!!We missed the original flight and had to catch the next available which meant a layover and botched schedule. Botched schedule meant messed up meal times and nap. Messed up meal times and nap meant that I would be traveling with.... dun DuN DUUUN!!!!!! Kid Vicious (her alter ego).
Incase anyone forgot, Im talking about That f***ing crazy person that dwells in the dark recess' of a toddlers mind. That bipolar, fling themselves on the ground, physically assault their mommy, try and put all things toxic and tiny in their mouth and complete lack of volume control and respect child! Too much sugar? Sleepiness? we try to predict as best we can but its hard to be completely sure when or what will awaken the monster.
And now, the highlights from kid vicious in flight.
She wanted out of her seat as soon as I sat her in it. She climbed all over and physically abused me. She removed nearly all of her clothes. Dumped my diaper bag all over the floor and handed me every yucky piece of balled up old lint and food crumb that every previous passenger forgot to clean up.
My daughter if she could talk -"Here mom! I found this diseased month old cheese puff!! I'd like you to hold it along with this ball of strange person hair. Enjoy your hoof and mouth virus and tyhoid. Oh and if you try to put it down, I will scream like you punched a puppy."
Me- " thanx baby! I love you too! your so good at sharing!"
She was also very generous with her runny nose :P
She Kicked the seat of the woman seated in front of us and had LOUD babbling gibberish conversations with the woman behind me while continuously trying to climb over our seats to get to her. I wont lie. I thought about just handing my daughter over
"she really seems to like you. You wanna take her off my hands?"
But while nice to that woman, she did nothing but glare at the man seated next to us. Glare and try to snatch his laptop. Apparently she had some important business emails to send out. To his defense, that lovely gentleman had endless amounts of patience. He explained that he'd traveled before with his twins. I tip my hat to you, Sir!!
I tried every trick and tip that anyone has ever suggested. Nothing actually helped. We were both miserable. She made me her bitch and broke my spirit lol.
Finally, after what was clearly an eternity of air travel, we landed. My husband greeted a clumsy from exhaustion, messy haired shell of my former self. It looked like I pissed my pants because little one decided to dump her sippy cup into my lap mid-flight. I had various cheerios and sticky crap stuck to my clothes. I was sweaty from trying to rangle a wild horse and was near tears because I had to break the news to hubby that we were going to have to put our daughter up for adoption.
Ok you've read the bad. Heres the good! Seeing my daughter experience air travel for the first time was AWESOME! I loved watching her look out the window in wonder as the buildings got smaller and smaller! While waiting to exist the plane, she said "bye" or was it "hi?"and waved at every passenger as they exited. Those eye rollers were reduced to smiles at her cuteness. Then the icing on the cake was our welcome home. When she saw my husband her round little face lit up! She said "daddaaa" and went running into his arms! It was the most kodak of kodak moments! It was so sweet that all of my teeth promptly fell out! After their reunion, my husband hugged me tight and we were Nothing but happy to see each other and embracing this sweet moment.
I have tips. Some things worked and some things didn't.Recapping that would take too long. Maybe I'll elaborate on what exactly worked some other time. The most important thing I can say to anyone, preparing to travel with a toddler, is remain calm. Sometimes your reaction is the only thing you can control. Keep it in check if you can. They may not be on their best behavior, and strangers may think they are brats, but YOU know they can be angels. Thats all that matters. People can glare all they want at the cranky tot. Staring is just staring. It will cause no physical harm. Unless you find yourself on an airplane with dangerous cyborgs that have laser beam eyes that can inflict pain! Try to avoid those flights!! OH One thing that kept me going was thinking about my daughters point of view. If she was old enough to remember this I'd want her to have pleasant memories. Mommy flipping the F* out and choking the rude unhelpful little bitch face stewardess with the complimentary headphones probably wouldn't be a good one. (good memory for mommy though). I hope this post relates to the people who have had crazy air traveling experiences with their kids or maybe lets them think "eh, my kid ain't so bad compared to this one". ;)
