The toddler tornado has hit

There has been a moment that I have dreaded ever since I gave birth to my little one. Having babysat in the past, I was familiar with the terror about to befall my family. It was inevitable. I guess I was hoping she'd skip this stage. Thats what we call delusion.
Confused? Just picture my husband and I sitting on the floor happily playing with our cute little girl. laughing as we help her try and stack her cups. saying "your such a cutie" when she gets frustrated and makes an adorable little pout face. My happy smiley little baby........ Then a storm rolled in.

A funnel cloud formed right over our house and spawned a tornado in the shape of my little girl!! The violent tempest struck hard and struck without warning. No ominous wind chimes on the back porch like in the movie, "Twister". No weatherman interrupting the tv show to say "this just in, a toddler tornado has just touched down. Grab snacks, a spippy cup and hunker down, this is gonna go on for a long time!!". I knew it was coming but didn't know when and just how destructive.... and now it was here. Its happened. It is upon us. My baby girl is a toddler. and Even worse, shes passed the 18 month mark.

This age is significant because, from what I've been told, 18 months is when most kids start the notorious "terrible two"stage. Its another cruel parenting joke! Its like when women are told that their pregnancy will last 9 months when you are actually pregnant for 10. I'm tellin ya, Math is a cruel filthy Asshole!!

I have watched, in horror, as my little girls cute pout face turned into a snarl and a full on tantrum. She hits and hits HARD! there's no more guess work. I know, without a doubt, that she meant to slap me in the face.

For now, my tactic is to cower behind the couch with my survival kit. Occasionally I throw food and water to the beast. All the while thinking "What happened to my baby?" This seems to be working for the moment.. I'll report more on this at another time but before I end the post I'd like to disclose the contents of my "kit" in case other parents want to make one.

Toddler Tornado Survival Kit
1. their favorite snack. ex.-Cheerios, raisins, innocent souls, your hopes and dreams.
2. A Bible. r u thinking "whaaaat??" trust me, you'll need something to exorcise the demon
3. The pets. If you dont take them to safety you WILL hear yelping.
4. a picture of the childs other parent to yell at, because, naturally, its all THEIR fault. right?
lastly 5. a bottle of vodka. need I say more?