Coaxing a cat into a bubble bath. The stranger anxiety phase

 How many times have you smiled at a small child in public and they had an emotional breakdown? I'm talkin tears and snot!  They pleaded for protection from their parent and glared at you. I remember being mortified the first time I'd gotten this reaction. All I did was smile at them... Did they somehow catch a glimpse of the devil horns ? I thought that my headband kept those covered. I had no idea that I was out to get this kid but apparently I was... Whats even worse is when its a family member or the child of a close friend. Or just a child that you've met before. Its like one day they decided, in their tiny kid goldfish brains, that you must be punished for having the audacity to offer to hold them, talk to them or just look at them.

-Maybe they telepathically communicate with other tots like a secret army or gang. or CULT! The leader picks out an unsuspecting adult and declares them a threat! Imagine a tiny child holding a pitch fork and yelling "I saw goody proctor with the Devil! Off with their head" Now its up to the other children to stare them down with big sad baby eyes. Eventually this adult will crumble in a pile of guilt and rejection. In my brain I have combined Village of the damned, the Queen of hearts and The Crucible.. this, ladies and gentlemen, is how a.d.d works-
-end tangent-

So you've been placed on the hit list. Somewhere some child has declared you a threat and decided that you need disposal. You thought that it couldn't get anymore awkward and embarrassing. I mean, that's what I thought. Then I became the mother of that child. By the way, my child isn't just a member of the village.. Shes the FREAKIN LEADER! I Didn't see THAT one comin.


I brought her home to visit family right in the height of the "stranger danger" phase. Real smart... (sarcasm) All they wanted was smiles, kisses and cuddles. I dont blame them!! I dont mean to toot my own horn (weird phrase and I regret using it) but my daughter is pretty damn adorable. Unfortunately for them though, every single person who tried to talk to or hold my daughter, got a face full of crying and defiance. I swear I held her in my arms for the entire trip. Not by choice. Its just really hard to shake off a paranoid octopus monkey thats covered in super glue. When they want to be held, they cling HARD. They grow extra limbs to better grip your body with. Yes, I said extra limbs. Every time I tried to set that girl down it was like trying to coax a cat into a bubble bath.
Just not happening!
Bless my family though. They endured. My daughters Stranger Anxiety, was met with nothing but patience and love. For that, I thank them. By the way, thats what this stage in development is called. Stranger anxiety. Totally common and perfectly normal :)  I guess we'll see how she does next time we visit.
So being on the hit list sux but Its actually just as mortifying to have to apologize for your little assassin. And I apologize a lot. Not just for crying and making perfectly nice strangers feel bad but also for the blank poker face that makes them uncomfortable. She gets that one from her parents. Her mother suffers from Bitchy Resting Face. My poor kid. I'll have to work on mine so that I can help with hers. Practice what you teach. or preach? I dunno. Something inspirational sounding.
Before any of that though, I have to teach my daughter that people dont bite. Thats what this whole phase is about. She thinks that everyone bites and I'm not going to lie. Some of them do. Including Mommy! My teeth are sharper and I'll bite their heads off if they get near her.
Now I find myself asking which one of us is really the paranoid octopus monkey?
hmm.. Exactly!
 I wont say anything more about that ;)